🔗 What Chafes My Groin #11

The Supermarket Walk of Shame

Boy, shopping at some supermarkets is a really nice experience. There's a supermarket I find myself in several times a week, and the experience in it has really gone to shit.

First, they added an automated gate at the entrance that prevents you from leaving once you enter. No changing your mind for you. "Fine," I said, "that's a minor inconvenience. I'll leave through one of the counters or something."

Then, they added self-checkout counters that would sometimes make you feel real special by deciding that an employee must verify that you haven't shoved a few items you haven't scanned into your bag. "Fine,", I said, "you need to prevent theft somehow."

But then, they decided to make everyone feel special and added a mechanised gate that physically blocks you from leaving the store. So you pay for your groceries. You get a receipt. End of transaction, right? No, they're not done with you yet. To be allowed to leave their mini-jail, you have to present your receipt to a finicky scanner on one of the gate's pillars. So it's hardly been 2 meters since you've been to the counter and paid for your groceries, and they're already doubting that you paid. This is even nicer because now you basically have to buy something in order to get out. You can't come in, see they don't have what you want, and just leave. But still, I came in.

Now, they went too far. A couple of weeks ago they decided that right after being scanned at the gate and being released from mini-jail, security personnel (an aging guard who's perpetually tired) need to re-verify that you have a receipt and paid for everything in your bags, and stamp your receipt. Within 4 meters of paying for your items, you undergo between two and three extra checks that you're not a thief. What a great shopping experience, that's awesome.

Another supermarket in my city did pretty much the same, except they decided that the gate in the entrance won't be an accessible one, but rather a narrow turnstile gate that's very inconvenient to pass through. Previously, they had neither an entrance gate nor an exit gate, but now they've installed both. Ever since I've noticed this a few months back, I haven't gotten it. About a week ago, though, I was walking right outside the supermarket when I noticed some commotion. An elderly disabled person in a wheelchair was blocking the turnstile. Unable to enter, he was shouting his shopping list to the clerk, who was scurrying around inside, picking up the man's items. As the old man was shouting, a woman on crutches and a couple of other people were trying to get in, but were blocked at the turnstile by the wheelchair-bound man. The lady on crutches, annoyed, called for the clerk, who answered something, but I don't think she heard him. She said "what the hell is this?", turned around, and started walking away. The clerk, seeing this, let go of the items he was holding and ran after her shouting "wait, wait, don't go, here I'll move him, it's no problem." This was like a scene from a really awful sitcom. It doesn't even sound believable as I'm writing it, but I swear I witnessed this craziness.

I think they're going too easy on us. They can really improve the experience even further. I say that after being checked at the counter, scanned at the gate and stamped right after the gate, they should add another guard that follows you to your car and verifies you're not shoving more items into your bags somehow. Make the walk of shame complete.

But they shouldn't stop there, there are more improvements to make. How about random house searches? Supermarket personnel just shows up to your house and goes through your cupboards. Who knows, they might find something you hadn't paid for.

World's Strongest Leader Becomes Car Salesman to Save World's Richest Man's Crashing Car Company From Crashing Any Worse

Do I even need to write any text under this heading? The embarrassment was palpable. The corruption bare for the whole world to see. The emperor is naked. Would you like to hear about our extended warranty?

Shows I've Seen Recently and Recommend

1. Loudermilk (2017-2020): Ron Livingston stars as a recovering alcoholic leading a support group for substance abusers. A surprisingly good dramedy that's funny, inspiring, and yet easy to watch. Great music too, and I love the theme song.
2. The Outlaws (2021-2024): great thriller comedy created by Stephen Merchant about a group of people doing community service getting into some big trouble. Wonderful cast, funny and engaging stories. I really loved Eleanor Tomlinson as Lady Gabriella "Gabby" Penrose-Howe.
3. Monk (2002-2009): an OCD-ridden, multi-phobic, neurotic detective runs around with his nurse solving crimes. Surprisingly, it's (mostly) a lighthearted comedy, and very easy to watch. The stories are good, although not always original, and they even used some common sitcom tropes, but it's still a solid show. Monk was apparently big in the US, but in Israel the show remains mostly unknown.