🔗 What Chafes My Groin #4


First published: .

All My Heroes Are a Disappointment

I learned early on in my life that pretty much everybody I admire and view as either a figure of authority or a role model will eventually disappoint me in some major way. We're all human, after all, and we're all flawed, and I try to remind myself to cut both myself and everybody else some slack, but some people take their flaws to the extreme. That's why learning that Danny Masterson is not only a member of a cult/criminal organization disguised as a religion, but also a fucking rapist, only barely registered with my already crestfallen spirit.

I'm a big fan of That '70s Show, and Masterson's Hyde character was one I particularly identified with. The show was not only brilliant, inventive and funny, but its characters were relatable, four qualities that are mostly absent from modern sitcoms. Compare That '70s Show with its unnecessary reboot, whose main characters are just caricatures more fit for a low-budget Nickelodeon production.

When Netflix announced its show The Ranch, featuring Ashton Kutcher, Danny Masterson, Sam Elliott and Elisha Cuthbert, I was elated. Four beloved actors of mine in a sitcom revolved around something that actually interests me, and more importantly, a sitcom that doesn't take place in either of the two most boring places on Earth: New York City or Los Angeles. I should have known disappointment was right around the corner, waiting for me.

I try to separate the art from the artist, and mostly I succeed. I can easily forget that Woody Allen is a creepy fuck and enjoy his many films, which I consider to be a gift to mankind. I'll gladly forgive Eric Clapton his racism and remind myself that the good he has done outshadows the bad. But I'm also a hypocrite, because whenever I hear someone like Eyal Golan singing another song about love and fidelity, I get physically ill.

I hope I'll be able to continue enjoying That '70s Show for years to come. And I don't give a fuck that Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis wrote a letter to a judge to help their lifelong friend, in fact I'd have viewed them in a worse light if they hadn't.

The ‘Give Your Money to the Rich’ Season Is Upon Us

It's the Jewish holiday season, and one of Israel's most annoying startups is out with this campaign:

Translation: "Startup CEO? This is the gift that your employees really want to get in the holiday"

BuyMe is a Gift Card startup that became one of Israel's biggest players in this revolting market. Note how the ad targets startup CEOs rather than us commoners. As someone who works with many startups, I can tell you firsthand that absolutely no employee wants a fucking gift card for the coming holidays. This industry rakes in gigantic amounts of money from gift cards that will be thrown into a drawer, forgotten, and never used.

What does this company even do? I was gifted several of their cards in the past decade. A few years ago, one of them simply refused to work, and getting support on their phone line took weeks. When I finally did get their support line, they told me I have to physically come to their offices so they can inspect the card. Fortunately for me, at the time I lived a short five minute walk from their offices. Unfortunately for me, no one was ever there. Literally every time I came, no matter the day or the time, they were closed.

Give your employees some cold hard cash, that's a good fucking gift. So what if they spend it on milk, a stale loaf of bread and 5 grams of Cannabis grown in the closet of some dude's bedroom that has never been cleaned? If BuyMe wants to speak for startup employees, they better fucking back it with some raw data. Show us how much of the money you're taking from these companies actually ever gets used.

Check Out These Links, or Don't

  1. I wrote yesterday about how the Oppenheimer film sucked, and today I stumbled upon "The Critical Drinker's" fantastic video titled Why Modern Movies Suck - Nobody Can Stay Dead!, and while it's not directly related to my beef with Oppenheimer, it's all part of the same multiverse of stupidity, and I highly recommend watching it.
  2. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or because I'm in love with his daughter, but Glen Campbell's Wichita Lineman has become my own personal Desperado. Whenever that first note hits, all my muscles are immediately relaxed. It's magic.
  3. I like to take advantage of frequent flyer programs and other loyalty clubs as much as possible, but it's also true that the airlines have been consistently worsifying their programs through the years. The Atlantic's article on the subject from yesterday is a good read.